Many of you may be wanting to make the most of your remaining vacation time by traveling out of town to see friends and family as the summer draws to a close. However, how can you make sure that being in someone else’s house feels more like a gift than a burden?
It’s not that difficult to be a star houseguest, according to etiquette expert Elaine Swann.
Respecting someone else’s space, regardless of how at ease you are with them, is the first step in being a considerate guest, whether you’re couch surfing at your college roommate’s pad or bringing the kids to stay at your aunt’s house.
“You still want to have reverence for the fact that this is not really your home,” Swann explains.
Swann addresses difficult queries about staying at a loved one’s home and how to be a guest who is invited back. Swann is the director of The Swann School of Protocol, an etiquette training program.
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Is it rude to ask my friend if I can stay at her place if I’m passing through her neck of the woods?
One useful tip from Swann is to not be shy about asking someone to stay with you when you’re in their town, as long as you’d feel at ease hosting them in your own house.
According to Swann, there are several restrictions on the rule. At least three weeks’ notice should be given to your host. Additionally, just because you asked doesn’t mean they can host you.
“Make sure you’re prepared for the answer to be yes or no, and accept and respect whatever answer they give you,” Swann advises.
How long is too long of a visit?
Keep your visit brief and to the point. According to Swann, four days and three nights is usually the best amount of time. She feels a long weekend visit is a sweet spot, unless you’re there for a bigger event, like a holiday. It’s long enough to allow for quality time spent together, yet it ends quickly enough to prevent anyone from becoming very irritated or cramped.
According to Swann, make adjustments based on the space’s dimensions and the requirements of each participant. For example, your cousin’s studio apartment might not be the best option if you’re visiting with a colicky baby. Alternatively, reserve a hotel in the area and spend the day with your relative.
I’d love to spend time with my host during my visit, but I also want to do my own thing. How do we get on the same page?
To prevent any needless unpleasantness, once you have a visit scheduled, be proactive and communicative about the details of your stay. Do you want your friend to take a vacation so you may visit theme parks together? Do you want to prepare your own meals or does your partner’s family enjoy cooking for others?
Any important information about your visit, such as any dietary restrictions or special physical requirements, should be shared with your host. For instance, if you have a severe shellfish allergy, you wouldn’t want your new boyfriend’s mother to spend hours preparing her famous shrimp gumbo. Additionally, you should confirm that the elevator in your friend’s fifth-floor apartment is operational if you recently fractured your ankle and are unable to climb stairs.
The host told me to “make myself at home.” Do they mean that?
You shouldn’t consume every snack in the pantry or put your shoes on the couch when the host says to “make yourself at home.” That’s usually a sign to fend for yourself, according to Swann, so you don’t need to ask for a drink of water or an additional napkin. “You still want to be your best, most respectful self as a houseguest,” Swann adds. Offer to take out the garbage, wash the dishes, buy your host dinner, or do all three.
Pay attention to your footprint. According to Swann, don’t give your host the impression that a hurricane hit their house. To begin with, avoid packing too much and make sure everything you carry is neat and contained. Avoid taking up too much space on the bathroom counter or leaving your clothing lying around.
Ack! I forgot to bring a gift for the host. Is it too late?
Swann says it’s okay if you don’t have anything ready for your host right immediately, despite some etiquette manuals saying you should never arrive at someone else’s house empty-handed. Just make sure that before you depart, you offer them a gift.
She advises, “While you’re in that house, go on a reconnaissance mission,” keeping an ear out for a considerate contribution to the household. Do they require a new cookbook for their home cooking? At the farmer’s market, did you see your best friend lingering on some local artwork? According to Swann, a host present ought to be a modest token of appreciation, with extra credit awarded if it can remember your stay.
I don’t want to rent a car during my stay. Is it OK to ask the host if I can use their car?
“Do not rely on your host for transportation,” Swann advises. For instance, don’t ask your host to drive you around or pick you up from the airport.
“Avoid interfering with their personal timetable. Make sure you are self-sufficient instead. The ideal way to be a houseguest, according to Swann, is that way.
Can I ask my host if I can stay for just a few more days? I’m enjoying my time.
Avoid staying too long. “The best way to end your visit on a positive note is to make sure there is an actual end,” Swann states. This entails saying goodbye and thanking each member of the home and leaving when you promised your host you would, rather than a few hours or days later.
Remember to return the favor by inviting your host to your home for the next gathering when you arrive home. “Staying with family and friends and sharing that time is such a wonderful thing to do,” Swann asserts. “We need more of that.”
Malaka Gharib edited this story. Beck Harlan is the visual editor. We would be delighted to hear from you. You can reach us by phone at 202-216-9823 or by email at [email protected].
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